The Newbies of Smash Mansion
by Constalina
Summary: Being a newbie is hard, especially if you don't have a clue what a bus is. Like Ike.
1. Fire Emblem and Pokemon

**Author's note: **I actually have been making stories, thank you very much! It's hard to think of a good idea when you've never written a SSBB fic before! Anyhoo, enjoy!

Ike stared at the bus that was going to take him away for a long time. Everything about it was bright pink. Really bright pink. The wheels, the windows, everything. He glanced over his shoulder, unsure if he should enter.

"_Damn it! I'm starting to have second thoughts about that contract to Super Smash Bros…How do you even get in?! Jeez, it's getting really scary…Put yourself together, Ike, find a way to get in." _He edged closer to the bus, and the door burst open. He screamed, dropped his sword, and peed in his pants. _"SHIT!!" _He picked up his sword, and edged closer to the bus. A PINK robot jumped out of the doors, and in front of Ike. He screamed again, and threw his sword at the robot. Sheesh, if Ike acts like this in the face of technology, I wonder how Marth and Roy coped.

_A few years ago…_

"Look Marth! A big horse!" Roy yelled, jumping on top of the bus. "Go horsey!" Marth took out his sword and poked the door. He used his sword, mostly because he thought the pink was poisonous. The door flew open, and smashed Marth in the face, knocking him unconscious. Roy leapt from the bus, and grabbed Marth.

"Hey!" he yelled, "Can you help me? The horse doesn't want to obey me! Marth?" A robot came out of the bus. "Lookie Marth! A girl! The horsey puked out a girl!" A laser shot at Roy, hitting his hair. "I don't need a haircut!" The robot chased Roy around the clearing. "Mars-sama, TASUKETE!!" (I think it means "Marth/Prince Marth, HELP ME!!")

_Currently…_

Ike panted, and took his sword out of the robot. You have to admit, he's doing well for a person who has never seen a bus or a robot. Better than Marth and Roy anyway. _"Okay, so I go in through that thing?" _He picked up his stuff and climbed the stairs. Guess what? More pink. And the seats had names on them. Ike decided to sit on the seat that said 'Ike', because it was the closest to the front. And because it said 'Ike'. A voice spoke, scaring more than shit out of Ike.

"LEAVING FIRE EMBLEM. NEXT GAME, POKEMON." Ike discovered something new ten seconds into the trip. He gets bus sick.

_Arrival at Pokemon world…_

Ike realized that, instead of breaking the window with his sword, he could have used the plastic bag in front of him. _"Whatever, I've already broken the thing, might as well use it." _A boy wearing red and a blue fluffy thing entered the bus. Ike stared at them, and the boy stared back. But the blue fluffy thing just sat down. The bus started to move, but Ike ignored the feeling in his stomach. _"They don't even seem scared about this mobile thing. And that boy, he dresses weirdly. That hat is weird. Not to mention a lot of other things. He doesn't even have a sword! And just WHAT is that fluffy thing?!" _The boy was still staring at him. _"Should I speak to the kid?"_

"Uh… Hi," he said. "What's your name?"

"Roger, yours?" said the boy. (Well, he needed a name! Red is so unoriginal!)

"Ike. So you joined Super Smash Bros too?"

"Yeah, so what are you going to use as a weapon?"

"My sword…" Ike was really confused. To him, the only three weapons in the world are a bow, a sword, and bombs. Plain ones, not the ones Toon owns.

"I'm going to use my pokemon."

"Is that a type of sword?" Roger looked shocked.

"You mean you don't know what a pokemon is?" Ike shook his head, feeling stupid. Roger pointed at the blue fluffy thing. "That's Lucario, he's a type of pokemon." Ike looked at Lucario, who was reading something. Ike could just make out the title, 'Poke Porn'. Hmm… I guess pokemon can be perverted too.

"So, you're using him to battle?" asked Ike. A bright blue ball flew out the broken window, Ike barely dodging it. A tree outside burst into flames.

"I serve no one," said Lucario, still reading. Roger shrugged, and Ike looked horrified.

"I seriously have to battle him?!" said Ike.

"With a bit of luck, no. Truth be told, I don't fancy putting my pokemon in the same arena as him," admitted Roger. Ike's eyes grew wide when he said there were more pokemon, thus starting his fear of Pokemon. "I wonder what the other Smashers are like." He took out the book that told them all about the other Smashers in the tournament. Ike dully remembered that one of the soldiers had used the copy that was sent to him for toilet paper. "Okay, let's see… Look Ike, there are monkeys!"

"Monkeys?!" _"Of all stupidity!" _Roger showed the book to Ike.

"See! They're dressed in human clothes." Ike sweatdropped.

"Monkeys… WE HAVE TO BATTLE MONKEYS?!"

"I guess… Charizard can make quick work of them!" Ike wasn't bothered to ask what a Charizard was.

"Who else is there?" Roger turned the page. They spent the rest of the journey to the next game learning about the other Smashers. And drawing all over them. Especially Marth.

**Author's Note: **I think this will have continuation… I don't think it's bad for a start… But it's pretty short. Uh… Review please…?


	2. Kirby and Kid Icarus

**Author's note**: Methinks that I'm posting to soon. Who cares? Oh, yeah. And I think the title is shit, because the fic ended up revolving around Ike. So if you have any suggestions on new titles… Anyhoo, enjoy!

"Hey, which game are we going to again?" asked Roger. Ike was still fascinated about the crayons, because they only have ink back at Fire Emblem. Ike shrugged, trying to figure out how the crayons got their colour. With Roger's permission, he even broke one with his sword to try to figure it out. All the unnecessary things that the FE characters do… _"This is so cool! I have to bring one of these 'crayons' back to the FE realm! To see if I can copy them…" _Of course, if he did, that would have messed up with the time in FE, but who cares? All the Melee Smashers kept their phones! Ike got a sick feeling, and clambered to the window.

"The speaker said 'Kirby'," said Lucario, eyes closed. He's either dreaming about Poke Porn, or sulking because he finished the book.

"Kirby? That's the name of a person, right Ike?" Ike vomited in reply.

"Not in your world?" Ike vomited again, before sitting down again. Well, Roger understands pokemon, why not vomiting? The bus came to a stop, causing the passengers to fly into a heap in the front. They all groaned, and Roger checked his belt for something. _"Ow… I think Ragnell broke my leg…"_ (Uh, is that the name of Ike's sword? I know it starts with R and ends in L…)

Ike looked up, to see a mask with yellow eyes staring at him. But when he looked to the side, he saw a huge bird with a HUGEMONGUS hammer. Roger, who was beside him, screamed like Marth and ran to the back of the bus. Ike unsheathed his sword, not really caring that he was upside-down. Thank Paluntena he's wearing pants. If it was manga Link… The masked puffball unsheathed his sword as well, and they stood there for the longest time. Lucario and the bird rolled their eyes, and sat down on their designated seats. After a while, the other three sat down. _"That puffball's sword is weird…"_

"So, who are you?" asked Ike, as Roger looked for his crayons.

"LEAVING KIRBY, NEXT GAME, KID ICARUS," said the loudspeaker. Everyone twitched. _"What a crap name for a game! Hey that rhymes!" _Everyone actually was thinking the same thing as Ike. Coincidental?

The bus, as usual, started in that sudden moment, and everyone was pulled back to their seats.

"I am Meta Knight," said the puffball. Ike suppressed his laughter. You have to admit, the name's corny. Roger and Lucario were used to random… I mean, unique… names because of their realm.

"I'm King DeDeDe," said the bird. Ike mentally fell, anime style. _"King?! More like fat ass!"_

"King of what?" asked Roger curiously.

"Dreamland," replied Kind DeDeDe. (I know more about Kirby than FE, okay?) Ike fell into fits of giggles, while Meta Knight rolled his eyes. King DeDeDe glared at Ike.

"What's so funny?" he demanded.

"Dreamland? Only a constipated idiot would name their country Dreamland!" Ike replied. King DeDeDe, seething with anger, leapt out of his seat and aimed the hammer thingy at Ike. Ike simply parried the blow using, a coffee cup? Oh never mind. King DeDeDe became furious, and aimed for Ike again.

"Roger, get out!" commanded Ike, standing up to battle the raging King. Roger gladly obeyed. Lucario and Meta Knight watched in hidden interest. Then the bus expanded, and a fence was put around the arena. Ike looked around in awe. _"This thing is just friggin awesome! Is that a chicken?" _Ike barely noticed that the king was charging at him, and Ike took the full force of the blow. He didn't flinch or show pain, he just hit back. _"Okay, time to concentrate. And ignore the chicken."_

_Few seconds later…_

Well, King DeDeDe lost. Guess how? Yep, he tripped over the chicken when Ike dodged.

"THE WINNER IS… THE CHICKEN!"

"Uh, was I supposed to attack the chicken?" Ike asked the loudspeaker.

"NO, I JUST LIKE MESSING WITH YOU."

"So you've been stopping suddenly on purpose?!" snapped Lucario.

"DUH." While everyone attacked the loudspeaker, Ike looked out the window._ "WTF?!"_

"There are clouds," Ike said.

"Yes, we know there are clouds," said Meta Knight.

"No, I mean we're driving on clouds." Everyone clambered to the windows.

"HOLY PIKACHU!!" yelled Roger. _"What's a Pikachu?"_ The bus came to a stop, and everyone was thrown to the front, again.

"WHAT THE FREAKING HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" everyone screamed at each other. The door opened, which made Ike scream. I'm guessing he's developed a fear for automatic doors. No one would have heard him anyway, his head was being covered by King DeDeDe's ass. Everyone walked, in pain, to their seats. A boy entered the bus.

The first thing everyone noticed was the wings. Narurally. _"What the hell?! An ANGEL?! What have I been missing in Fire Emblem?!" _Give Ike credit for at least knowing what he was. The angel, embarrassed at the attention his wings were bringing, looked around for his name, and sat next to Roger. These are the buses that can seat three people per side. Well, four actally, but King DeDeDe isn't exactly anorexic, and angel's wings aren't small.

"Hi, I'm Roger! What's your name?" asked Roger, who was the only one actually looking at the angel's face. Ike looked at his face, and his jaw fell open. _"Oh my Godess, he's friggin cute!"_

"I'm Pit. Who are you?" he said, including Ike into the conversation.

"I-Ike," replied Ike. _"Idiot! Why are you stuttering?!" _Pit gave him a small smile.

"Nice to meet you Ike," said Pit. Ike felt like fainting, but instead he resolved to vomiting. Pit's face fell. (NOT LITERALLY RETARDS!) "Is he okay?"

"He gets bus sick. What weapons are you using for Super Smash?" asked Roger. Ike sat back down, while Pit held out his bow.

"I'm using Paluntena's bow. I can pull it apart to create duo swords," Pit explained, pulling apart the bow. Roger's eyes sparkled, while Ike looked at Pit.

"Hey, is it true that angels can live forever?" asked Roger.

"Not forever, but for a long time."

"How long?"

"Um… If I can remember, the oldest angel lived until 11208 human years. Right now, I'm 1620 human years old." (Of all honesty, I'm making this up. I really don't know how old he is; I just needed him to be sort of 16.) They stared at him in shock. "I'm still pretty young, angel years," he added.

"How old are you in angel years?" asked Ike.

"Sixteen." Pit looked away, really wishing he didn't answer the immortality question. "Does anyone have coffee?" A cup of coffee shot out of nowhere, scaring Pit out of his wits. He knocked the coffee into the air; it's boiling hot by the way, which landed on Ike. Ike started screaming rude words, and the coffee cup (minus coffee) woke Lucario up, and he sent aura balls toward Meta Knight and King DeDeDe. They flew at Roger, who's Poke Balls flew out of his belt, summoning Squirtle, Ivysaur, and Charizard at the same time. Ike, who is mortally afraid of Pokemon, screeched at the top of his voice and attempted to jump out the window, restrained by Pit.

"PLEASE REMAIN CAL…" began the loudspeaker. All the newbies threw their weapons at the loudspeaker and screamed, "SHUT THE FUCKING HELL UP!!" And the chaos continued.

_At Smash Mansion…_

The three time Smashers were crying and laughing manically, watching the chaos in the noob bus from the cameras.

"I thought last year was funny!" said Captain Falcon. Donkey Kong, Kirby, Pikachu, Yoshi, Jigglypuff and Fox were too busy laughing to speak.

"Funnier than when Bowser tripped over Roy's foot?" asked Luigi.

"No way! Nothing's funnier than that!" said Mario.

"That should teach them to never ask for coffee in the noob bus," said Link, giggling like mad.

"You guys aren't cruel enough, let's add something else," said Ness.

"Yeah, but what?" asked Samus. The three time Smashers brainstormed until the next chapter.

**Author's note:** …Ness is evil… PURE EBIL!!


	3. Donkey Kong and almost Legend of Zelda

**Author's n****ote: **Really, really bored…

"NEXT STOP, DONKEY KONG." Everyone on the bus glared at the loudspeaker, except Pit, who didn't really know what had happened before he came.

"I wonder if Donkey Kong is a land of half-donkey, half-monkey creatures," said Pit. They all stared at him. "Hey, I can dream, can't I?"

"For someone older than all of us put together, you're pretty naïve," said Roger. "_No kidding,_" thought Ike.

"I'm starting to doubt accepting this invitation," mumbled Lucario.

"What are we actually _supposed_ to do there?" asked King DeDeDe.

"Eat chickens," said Meta Knight sarcastically. A rectangle thing lowered from the ceiling of the bus. The rectangle flickered, and a group of people… and creatures… appeared.

"OHHHHH!!! LOOK MARTH!!! IT'S THE NEWBIES!!!!!! YAYERS!!!!" screamed a red haired idiot. The whole group attacked the red head.

"Excuse Roy, he's just being a moron," said a person in an orange suit.

"Welcome, new Smashers. We're the Melee Smashers, and _most _of us are going to be Brawl Smashers too. Cookies? Peach made them," said a brown haired teen wearing a dress, gesturing at a blonde lady with a pink dress. Cookie trays appeared in front of them. Thankfully, nothing weird happened.

"You couldn't resist mocking us, could you, Zelda," snapped a green midget elf.

"Are you an elf?" asked Ike, reaching out for a cookie. The green midget elf thingy glared at him.

"Do I look like an elf to you?!"

"… Yes."

"… Oh… WELL I'M NOT!!! I'M A HYRULIAN!!!"

"… Is that supposed to mean anything to me?"

"ARE YOU SAYING I'M WEIRD?! COME OVER HERE AND FACE ME LIKE A MAN!"

"But you're a kid… And I never said anything about being weird…"

"WHAT?! LIKE THAT MAKES A DIFFERENCE! FACE ME YOU FOOL!"

"I can't…"

"WHY NOT?!

"I'm on a bus, and you're on a… thing."

"That's a TV, Ike," said Roger. Ike twitched. "_A WHAT?!_" Roger saw the confused look on his face. "Uh, I'll explain later…" A blue haired girl stepped forward.

"You must be from Fire Emblem then. Ike, isn't it? I'm Marth Lowell," she said. Lucario looked at her.

"So, you're like a princess or something, right?" he said. She twitched. Everyone behind her burst into laughter.

"I'm Marth Lowell, _prince_ of Altea," she said coldly. Everyone on the bus spat their cookies out. Peach started to cry.

"Are my cookies bad?" she asked.

"No, no, mam. It's just…" began Meta Knight.

"You are not a boy! It's impossible!" yelled King DeDeDe. Marth glared at him.

"Please do not persist with this argument, _peasant_," he growled menacingly.

"You are you calling a peasant, you cross dresser!"

"I am not a cross dresser. Don't tempt Lord Roy, I think his sanity will snap very soon."

"I don't care! YOU ARE NOT A BOY!" The redheaded idiot jumped up. Ike didn't know how to explain it, but there was an uneasy feeling in the air.

"Roy's sanity snapped, _again_," said a huge turtle.

"It's a shame really; we were hoping Roy could hold out until you newbies came. Oh well, we still have Marth and Link," said a… random guy with a helmet…

"I wanna prove that Marth's a girl! Let me do it!" yelled Roy. He unsheathed his sword, which glowed with fire, and charged at Marth. Marth, who could take a clue better than most of the other Smashers when he's sane, ran out of the screen. Roy followed like a maniac. The Smashers on the screen watched the chase, and then they all flinched.

"What happened?" asked Pit, seemingly excited.

"You… don't really want to know…" said a huge monkey with a tie. Everyone was quiet.

"The purpose of that episode was to give you a small taste of what it's like to be a Smasher. How'd you enjoy it?" asked a fox.

"... I'm seriously going to have to battle all of you," said Ike.

"Dude, that place is insane," said Roger. Lucario and Meta Knight looked too shocked to answer.

"Are there any resignation papers?" asked King DeDeDe.

"Regretfully, no," said a pink puffball with huge eyes. Pit laughed.

"It looks like fun!" he said cheerfully. Everyone stared at him.

"Well, it won't be as fun when we send you a little surprise later," said a boy with a cap and a striped shirt.

"Bye newbies!" said two yellow rats. The TV turned off. The newbies stared at each other. Then the bus stopped suddenly. Everyone was thrown into a heap into the front, except Pit, who flew as Roger was about to hit him, and Lucario, to temporarily glued himself to the seat using his aura control.

"GODDAMNIT!!!" yelled everyone who was thrown forward. A monkey with a red cap and a red shirt, with a rocket, smashed through the window.

"That's a new way to enter," said Pit. The doors opened, and a green chibi midget entered.

"Hi everyone! I'm Toon Link from Legend of Zelda! As to explain why I'm in _this _realm, I took a ship here!" he said. "And that's Diddy Kong." He pointed at the monkey.

"I'm Ike," said… WELL WHO DO YOU _THINK_ SAID THAT?!

"I'm Roger."

"Lucario."

"I am Meta Knight."

"I am King DeDeDe." TL smiled at them all.

"Pleasure to meet you!" He sat in the seat behind Ike, Roger, and Pit. Diddy Kong sat next to him, and fell asleep. "_How __**old**__ is that kid?!_"

"So what weapons are you using?" asked Roger.

"Uh… A sword, a boomerang, a claw grip thingy, a bow, bombs, and my superly awesome hat!" said TL gleefully.

"Wow, that's sure a lot!" said Pit.

"You don't say, I sometimes have a hard time carrying everything! Back home, I also have a shovel, a hammer, bombchus, an hourglass, and other pathetically useless crap with me at all times!" The blonde and brunette laughed.

"They're really in sync…" said Roger. Ike nodded.

"Aren't you a bit young to have bombs?" asked Ike.

"What do you mean young? I'm fourteen!" said TL, his huge innocent eyes twinkling.

"… You don't look fourteen."

"And I don't look over 1500 years old," said Pit.

"You're over 1500 years old?! Awesome! Being Toon Hyrulian doesn't have much difference with being human…" said TL.

"Can I see one of your bombs? I've never seen a bomb before," said Roger. TL took out one of his Toon bombs. Then the chicken flew to his lap with a match, and lit the wick.

"WHAT THE HECK?!" screamed Ike and TL. TL threw the bomb to the other side of the bus. Meta Knight, King DeDeDe, and Lucario realised what it was, but too late. A Toon cloud surrounded them. When the cloud disappeared, a very unhappy group of freaks appeared.

"Oh noes…" said TL frightfully. He took his sword and shield from his back.

"Roger, get back," said Ike, unsheathing his sword impressively. Well, it's always cool when a swordsman unsheathes his/her sword, unless you are a pathetic lunatic like Roy. Well, it still looks cool, like in Hasha no Tsurigi where Roy is the incarnation of awesomeness… I'm getting sidetracked…

"Oh dear, a battle…" said Pit. The bus stopped again, but this time Pit and Lucario were thrown off their seats too.

"PLEASE REFRAIN FROM BATTLING MORE THAN FOUR PEOPLE," said the loudspeaker. Everyone stood up, and looked at each other, and grinned evilly. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WAIT. WAIT. WAIT!"

**Author's note:** All. Done. Hasha no Tsurigi is the manga version of one of the Fire Emblem games, where Roy features, if you didn't know. I didn't re-read this chapter, okay? So sorry if it isn't compatible with the other chapters... It's been a while...


End file.
